


Cupid's Fall

by Luvkyloreylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Acts of Kindness, Aftermath of a Case, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Archangels, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Boundaries, Bows & Arrows, Character Death, Confusion, Crime Scenes, Curiosity, Developing Friendships, Empathy, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Loss, First Love, Forbidden Love, Friendship/Love, Gentleness, Gift Giving, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Heaven, Hell, Holding Hands, Hope, Humanity, Innocence, Kissing in the Rain, Legends, Life Debt, Loss of Faith, Loss of Parent(s), Magic, Magic Revealed, Older Man/Younger Woman, Optimism, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Punishment, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Reapers, References to Depression, Responsibility, Rey Needs A Hug, Sad, Sexual Violence, Survivor Guilt, Swords, Valentine's Day, Wooing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2019-10-30 22:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 10,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17837507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luvkyloreylo/pseuds/Luvkyloreylo
Summary: ————****COMPLETE***—————Valentine's Day has become a dull chore. As Kylo Ren, Ben took this life as a Cupid to live ...not watch everyone else live.  He's  shot his arrows where the fates have guided him, observed the blushing lovers. The holiday  is almost done, he finds his last target. Aiming, he is dumfounded...the woman that waits for his mark is older, her daughter laughing with her as they round the corner from the movie theatre. He shrugs, love doesn't get limited by age he supposes. Before he can fire the two women are knocked into the alley behind them...their screaming silenced with a shot echoing.





	1. Wrath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LBellicose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LBellicose/gifts), [cryforwhat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryforwhat/gifts), [secretreylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretreylo/gifts), [EnviousHera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnviousHera/gifts).



Ben cringed. His title brought powers but not immunity to...these evils.

The sound made his heart clench.

Flying closer, he saw below him his mark...

Her wound seeping...red spreading beneath her.

Urgent whimpers caught him from him shock. The daughter...legs kicking, arms pinned above her head...

The man who'd shot her mother was laughing, kissing her neck.  He'd  already torn her dress exposing her bra, settled himself to enjoy his spoils.

Robbing them hadn't  been enough...

Murdering the girl's  mother...

He wanted more...

Ben could see the poor girl was losing the fight. With one hard hit, she was left still.

The man backed up enough to unbuckle. Unzip.

Hiking up her hem, he tore her panties away.

Ben snarled, NO !

The man fell to the ground beside her.

Ben stabbed him through the chest with his sword. Returned it to its sheath. Setting his bow down, he glanced over...the mother was gone...but the girl...battered and bruised was alive. Intact.

He would catch hell.

But he couldn't  stand by and watch her be raped. Humanity held such beauty...but also such hideous cruelty. He would know...

He caressed her face. Adjusted her dress to cover her modesty.

She looked young, she smelled innocent. 

Whatever punishment he wrought, he could handle. 

He took his hands to hers.

Closed his eyes.

A soft glow encircled her body.

He bent down and kissed her cheek, "be safe young one. Be loved." 

With a flutter of his wings he was gone just as the sirens crept closer.

 

 


	2. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey let the tears fall, she was gone... the one she'd adored...

Waking up in the hospital sore and confused, Rey had all but passed back out when she was informed.

The police were waiting to talk to her...

The man who attacked and robbed them had been killed too. His body found along side her unconscious form.

It had been obvious he was prevented from raping her, the hospital had done a rape kit to be sure..., she'd  been saved... but of course Rey had no idea by who... and she was so traumatized the doctor had insisted  the police leave her alone for the time being. 

Rey cried until no more tears came.

 

She  completed her interview later. 

The details of Maz's last will were simple, no big funeral.  Spread her ashes on the water. 

The man Maz liked showed up for her goodbye gathering. One of a few.

He was devastated,  he finally was trying to get the nerve up to ask her on a real date...

They'd  been friends so long...

Rey held his hand. He'd  been there through all the pain of her father's illness...supported them both. 

Good neighbor. 

He felt like he and Maz had been cheated out of a great love. But was so thankful someone had saved Rey.

Rey wished she could remember  more.

They couldn't  find who stopped the man.

All Rey could recall was the sound of grunting over her, how weak she'd  felt...his cologne.  His hardness against her...the sound of him tearing at her dress before he hit her.

Then nothing.

Just warmth in oblivion.

Waking up to strangers...

Questions.

Her mother had been her Valentine this year, but her savior really was...

 


	3. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ah, Kylo Ren...I hear Cupid had a bit of excitement this year during your usual responsibilities..." The archangel before him didn't look amused. Ben knew his ass was toast. But he could not make himself feel a shred of regret.

"You know your job is quite simple, you aim your arrows where fate leads you...give seeds of love to the humans. They take it from there...what made you think you had the right interfere with a reaper's mark and murder  a human?" Michael glared down at Ben. 

Ben swallowed, "Sir... my mark was shot. Her daughter was being attacked,  the criminal  was going to rape the girl ! I  know I'm  still new to this...life...still earning my wings, but I  couldn't  watch that..."

"The reaper still got her corpse so she actually  hasn't filed an official  complaint. But you as a Cupid cannot interefer in the lives or deaths of humans...and killing a human!  That is something I  cannot ignore!" The archangel paced. "You know I have to punish you..."

Ben knew...

When the guards took him to his cell for his punishment  he didn't  fight them. Pain wasn't  something that scared him...not now...not before when he was a human himself...

His mind did wander to the girl though...

He felt like he was relieved.

He hoped she was healing.

But Michael wasn't wrong...he'd never interfered before. What made her different?

He was lucky Death himself hadn't  grabbed him for annoying one of his reapers...

The angels had many jobs... heavenly careers, or chose to become devoted followers under the fallen angel Lucifer...as demons. 

It was a partnership of sorts... guided by the fates and the grand creator.

Some, like Ben, given the choice to serve or continue  to heaven or hell.

But it is nice to have purpose...Ben desperately  wanted purpose as a human before he was murdered.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey thanked Chewie for the casserole.

He has always been a great cook, Maz adored it. Said he was the exception...kind, helpful, self-sufficienct.

Rey didn't want to depend on anyone... if you did... they could leave...disappoint you.

She gave Maz's clothes to goodwill.

Packed up most other items. She kept a few small things that meant a lot to her. 

The case was on-going, but the police had no leads on who saved her. It wouldn't remain open for long.

Rey liked her counselor, Amilyn was patient and held her hand when she cried. She saw her once a week for now. 

The insurance money paid off the house and kept Rey comfortable. For now she was taking a break from her part time job.  She just couldn't  stomach  being around so many people...

Finn and Poe visited, but Rey kept insisting  she needed to learn to be alone. She couldn't  do that if Chewie ...them... wouldn't give her space to figure out her next steps.

Today she bought new sheets for the main bedroom. A large quilt covering  it that Maz made her for graduation.

Maz had been so proud of her, she graduated  with a high gpa and had planned  to go to college,  but now... she just wasn't ready...

Maybe later...

Maybe in the fall...or next year...

Rey wiped her eyes, tears came randomly...she missed her mom so much.

Her heart felt empty.

She picked up the ring Maz wanted her to have...slid it on her middle finger...on her right hand. 

She'd always pretended it was magic when she was little. The large purple stone almost sparkled, the silver dull but beautiful  to her. 

Maz told her it was old, special.

Rey prayed things would start up again...that God would give her the strength to leave her house. Face life. Rejoin humanity.

Rey sighed. Laying on the bed she clutched the ring to her chest.  

She just didn't understand...feeling like something was missing...

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cupid wasn't a bad gig, it came with perks. Immortality, youth, strength, really kickass wings... Ben liked helping people find eachother. It was ironic since as a human he'd been so cynical and avoided attachments. Humans needed attachments to live a full life... the grand creator explained it to him the day he became one of his Cupids. "Without something to bind the heart, soul, mind...tether them to living... a human begins to rot inside. They become bitter, malicious, cruel...the hole they feel never gets filled...they care about nothing and value nothing..." The voice filled Ben with hope and dread that day.

Rey fluffed her hair with her fingers one more time. 

1 year.

It's  been 1 year today since mom died...

Fuck I  miss her.

But this is good. She'd  like the idea I'm  going on a date...

Especially  since I've  avoided people like a damn plague.

But he's cute, sweet. 

 

Rey met Dopheld  at a singles mixer Rose dragged her to at her church.

Rose worked with Rey at the preschool, and invited Rey to her church constantly. So pleased when she came finally.

So when Kaydel and Jessika hosted the singles mixer, Rey didn't fight that hard. 

Poe and Finn  thought it was good to get out. Mingle.

Valentine's day though...it brought back everything...

Rey dusted herself off, straightened her soft pastel dress and left.

Her counselor was still seeing her once a month, her group therapy had helped so much. 

Talking to others would had lost loved ones...and survived...helped.

The guilt wasn't eating her alive anymore...

Maz would not want her sitting at home not really living.

She'd  want her out and feeling the warmth of the sun on her face.

Dr. Holden, Amilyn, had not even laughed at when she kept talking about seeing wings. 

Rey remembered seeing wings above her and warm light when her attacker was killed.

Amilyn told her it wasn't uncommon to view her savior as her guardian angel.

Rey had dove into researching angels... it gave her something  to cling to.

But in the end she stopped talking about the memory...and moved on.

She helped at a preschool on campus. The college had a special  program for children with needs. Deaf, blind, autism. 

Rose said it took a village, and all the young people that helped were kind and patient with the children. 

The director, Phasma Slade was a formidable woman, but also a great example of desiring to better the world.

Some students  were majoring in education  so this work looked great on their transcripts.

Rey just enjoyed assisting.  She was learning so much.

Her degree wasn't so noble, she wasn't  working toward some big thing...she was just taking classes she liked...remaining undeclared. 

She had drove to the church, the parking lot was half full. The mixer had involved  several churches.

She had pinned her name tag on her blouse and sought out Rose. Not expecting much. But with Valentine's day close, many wanted someone to dote on...love...or at least fuck...

Rey had expected nothing.

But... among the many pointless interactions she'd  been pleasantly surprised  by Dopheld. 

Dark wavy hair, nice smile. He was just a few years older than her and worked at a bank.

They were meeting at an italian restaurant  tonight, he'd  managed to get a reservation.  

Rey was nervous though. 

The view outside her car was a  well lit street, plenty of pedestrians wandering around...

She took a deep breath and got out of her car.

At the door she noticed him waiting.

She gave him a shy smile. 

"Hi Rey, so glad you came. I'll let them know we're ready. Just a moment..." Dopheld greeted, then turned to the hostess, "yes, miss ! She's here, you should have a table for two under Mitaka for 6pm?" 

"Yes sir! Right this way..." the young hostess led them to a romantic booth,  handed them menus.

Rey was delighted, he ordered an appetizer and remembered she liked lemonade. 

He made her laugh.

It wasn't  some all powerful spark of attraction...but he was a good guy.

Nice. 

Funny.

Respectful. 

Rose had been so thrilled she met someone at the mixer.

 

From his perch Ben aimed...arrow after arrow tonight...all day it had been like this...the fates pushing his marks into his mind...leading him so many places. Kylo Ren was working hard this year...Cupid wouldn't  rest until midnight...until his holiday was gone for another year. 

He got to go on missions throughout the year, but this day... was the most vital. So many found their love today.

He watched as the two he'd  just hit kissed passionately.

He grinned.

They barely made it behind closed doors before ripping off eachothers clothes... he laughed.

The restaurant he was guided to next held many varying couples...

He got his mark over and over...

He was led to a young man last.

The man sat at the table looking completely  enthralled  by the young woman he laughed with.

Ben aimed his bow...

Drawing back...

He froze.

The young woman tucked her hair behind her ear...the girl !

No. He couldn't  ...bring himself to hit his mark.

He lowered his bow.

He didn't...he didn't want the young man to love her...her to want him...

Selfish...

But she wasn't... his.

Ben felt torn. He would be punished if anyone figured it out.

But he just...he couldn't gift wrap this girl for the man.

 

 


	5. No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben watched them finish their meal, saw him escort her out...they both looked nervous. The man kissed her cheek and they parted ways. As she moved on to her car and left, Ben swallowed. "You missed Kylo Ren." Another Cupid pointed out.

 "I know Cassian..." Ben responded. "It couldn't be helped. Bad match..." 

"You don't get to make that choice... Kylo, Cupids go where fate leads... shoot their arrow...you are already on thin ice from last year's  incident. Death wanted you punished for longer...Michael was kind. You always push...question." Cassian shook his head, his wings fluttered out. 

Ben looked down as her car drove away, "It won't  happen  again...I  just couldn't  pair them. I felt ..., it was a  bad match."

"If I report you to Michael... alright, I'll  keep this to myself this time, but Kylo...you have to do as fate wills it. The grand creator wills us to." Cassian  flew off to his next destination.

He'd  trained Ben, been the one who recruited  him. He had a soft spot for him.

Ben moved on. Finished out his night...his tasks.

 

 

At 1 in the morning  he found himself  peaking in Rey's window.

She was asleep  of course...

Ben sighed. 

Why was he stalking a human?

 

Even when he was human he could've  cared less about anyone besides himself...his selfishness had led to his death.

Cassian  gave him purpose. Gave him the option to exist beyond the spiritual plain.

He'd  jumped on it. Found a useful feeling.

For someone who'd never felt love...the irony wasn't lost on him that his job ended up being a Cupid.

The grand creator had breathed  immortal  life into his bones...his flesh.  He gave Ben powers...rebirth into Kylo Ren.

He'd  even made friends among the workers...scattered throughout heaven and hell...the various tiers.

Rey looked so fragile to him  laying there, thigh exposed, arms curled around her pillow, hair in her face.

She's  aged a bit, 19 now.

Even if he was human he'd  be too old for her...probably. This year he'd  have been ...32.

Perhaps have gone to a bar with his few acquaintances... manipulated some airhead to suck his cock in the bathroom, gone home high and drunk...passed out hopefully  in his bed...maybe with his clothes off...probably with his clothes still on...

Ben smiled. Rey wouldn't  have caught his eye...she was a natural beauty...strong spirited. Plain to the standards of Benjamin Solo. He'd have lost out if she was ignored.  She was independent, respectful. He wondered if she even went to bars. His old self would've overlooked this exquisite creature.

Stupidity. 

Vanity.

She was functioning...now.

He wondered if she missed the woman who died...her mother.  If she felt alone in a crowd...if she dreamed of him saving her.

He'd  broken so many laws that night... the most egregious...he'd given a tiny piece of his energy to her to heal her. It was still within... safe ...hidden in her heart. Like a beacon only to him.

Did  she feel it?

He had to be careful.

Their  big holiday was done...they were allowed to walk the earth on their downtime... but there were rules to that. They still had missions...

For a man who ignored rules so often  in life...now he existed with many to follow.

He was going to talk to her...by chance of course. He needed it.

The emptiness he dealt with in life wasn't  gone...just dulled slightly. She drew him in like a moth to flame. He had to understand why. 

Cupids have been banished for less ...stripped of their powers... devoured...

Yet ...Ben knew he'd  find her...he would find a way to approach.

 

 


	6. Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey liked her fellow group members. They supported eachother, like a family. One older woman took Rey under her wing, she reminded her of Maz.

"Thankyou for humoring an old woman every week dear. I enjoy these little  explorations. Getting coffee, dinner sometimes.My son's  been gone years, but I  miss him like it happened  yesterday. " the woman talked about her son's  murder in group, she'd  been so kind to Rey about how she lost her mother. She'd  felt so guilty for how distant he'd  become before his death.

Rey had approached  her for advice months ago on how to move forward, beyond survivor's guilt.

The woman  just seemed so strong. 

Rey felt weak alot, especially  when she was alone.

"I  don't mind, honestly you remind me of my mom...it's comforting. I  like group, but I'm drawn to you more than the others, I feel like you understand  me more." Rey offered.

She was greeted by a wide grin, "anytime,... by the way...how was your Valentine's  date?"

"It was actually nice, but no spark... I don't know maybe I'm still not ready ..." Rey groaned, poking at her food.

The woman sighed, "it will be easier when you are ready dear. It will just feel right, like lighting in your heart.  Do you still like the preschool  job... your classes?"

Rey shrugged, "I  do, but it just feels like I'm going through the motions. There's  no fire or passion... no satisfaction. I feel aimless...hopeless. Therapy is helping, but my dreams are hard to deal with and I  just miss her...dad too. I  feel like the guys that attempt to date me have no clue..."

"Well, I've  been thinking about asking you for a bit now, could you see yourself working for me? I'd pay well, it wouldn't  interfere  with classes. I  need someone to cook, clean, run errands, ...keep me company.  You can think on it, but I'd  prefer someone I  feel comfortable  around over an agency pick. It's  been hard,  with my son's  murder...then my husband's heart attack this past year, I would be grateful." The woman took her hand, patted it. 

Ret smiled, "I would love to Mrs. Solo."

"Oh dear, how many times must I tell you, call me Leia." Leia chuckled. "Perhaps start next Monday if that's  not too soon?"

Rey hugged her, "no that's great. I'll call you, I'm going to cut through the park on my way home. Feed the ducks, Thanks!"

 

 

Rey felt good as she meandered through the park. She liked the duck pond, all the flowers. The sounds.

She pulled out her bread. Tossing some out. "You guys seem good today."

She tended to chat at them.  

She didn't  notice the man behind her, and jumped when he spoke.

"Do they talk back?" He teased.

Rey fell back on her bottom where she'd been squatting. 

Her eyes found him.

He was... tall and looming. Warm eyes, kind but serious face. Soft looking hair, broad and strong stance. 

Rey blinked up at him, unsure. "Um... well no... of course."

"I'm Kylo, mind if I join you miss ...?" He asked.

"Rey. My name is Rey...sure. It's  a free country." She stumbled over her words.

He sat down beside her, pulled out his own offering.

They sat chatting and feeding the ducks.

Rey smiled. He smiled.

He was sweet, soft spoken. She couldn't figure out why she felt so at ease around this strange man.

Maz would've called him a tall drink of water.

Rey wondered if she should take a sip...

He asked her if he could see  her again.

Rey nodded. Gave him her number.

Blushed when his fingers touched hers. 

"Goodbye Rey, I'll  see you soon." Kylo waved and turned to head away.

Rey was squealing inside. She quickly text Rose. 

 

 

That night she dreamed of wings, but this time they were attached  to the very handsome stranger. Rey kissed him. He took her hand. She was crazy...

Rey woke the next morning  feeling rejuvenated.

She had a new job opportunity and a possible  love interest. She was excited about things...a nice change of pace. 

Her mom was probably smiling down at her from heaven, sitting with her dad. 

Rey promised herself  she would try harder. Really make an effort to live her life.  

His smile popped into her head. 

Rey wanted to see him again...

It felt so good to really want something for herself.

 

 

 


	7. Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey smiled on her way home. She was actually excited about the man she'd met at the park. There was just something...

Ben glanced at her phone number.  He would have to swipe a phone so he could contact Rey. 

He could stash it somewhere.

He could walk the earth among them but he didn't  need sleep...he could eat if he chose to...he didn't  live there...

He could  make himself  look how he desired. 

No one that he'd known while he was human would  recognize  him now, but...he'd allowed her to see his true face.

Another no no...

He wasn't  sure why...he just didn't  want to give her something  false...

He crossed his mother's  path at times, just checking  on her.

He worried, ...his death had hit her hard...then his father's heart attack. 

But she didn't  see her Benjamin... she saw a similar  looking man...

Dark hair, tall...

He called himself James if he spoke to her. 

But Rey...he gave her his new name, Kylo...dangerous...and she saw Ben's  face.

It felt so natural.

Like meeting  a long lost friend. 

But if he was honest...with himself...

Rey was more.

He'd felt it that night.

He wasn't  sure what it was.

He couldn't  ask anyone...well maybe Cass.

But that would put Cassian in an awkward  position....again.

He fluttered off back to heaven.

He needed to visit someone he could  trust...

Han always  had good advice....

 


	8. Thankyou dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven had backdoors throughout, ...if you knew where to look.

"Well son, what's  the occasion?" Han greeted.

Ben landed near his father. "I met...a girl."

Han chuckled,  "I wasn't  aware that was a thing  up here... is it an angel? Or another reaper chick? ... that Alania  was a bit serious... surely not a demon?"

"Dad...jeeze! Not a demon... definately not Alania or another reaper... lord knows not an angel... she's... human." Ben almost looked guilty.

Han nodded, sat on the fallen stump next to him. "Well... if I'm not not mistaken...isn't that against one the many rules of  your new job? The whole  dishing out love thing?"

"Um...well...technically...yes. As a cupid I help guide love...how fate pushes, but I  don't  actually get that. We... interact up here...well sort of...immortals get bored." Ben frowned, taking a seat by his father. "It's  odd ...seeing an angel hooking up with a demon... a nymph with a reaper...there's so much humans can't see..."

They sat silently  gazing at the crystalline waters of a massive  lake.

The sun reflecting like diamonds on the endless surface.

Han ran his hand through his hair, "rules never kept me from your mother. You never really acted drawn to anyone while you were alive...tell me how you met this girl."

Ben took a breath, then laid it all out... his father didn't interrupt, just let Ben ramble.

Han enjoyed Ben's  visits, they'd  found a peace together after his heart attack. He'd  have loved his son doing just this while they were both alive and human.

But stubborn pride had prevented that...

"Well...you've broken several  of your rules..." Han  laughed, "eh... what's a few more. Talk to her, figure out why. I  would have crossed oceans and fought armies to come home to your mother...I  would rather fight with her than...I  adored her smile, she was my reason for living.  I  look forward to welcoming her here...but I'll gladly wait...you want to feel this and know her, your little  human. Ben, just do it. You just keep your  eyes out for trouble. The girl's  been through trauma,  be patient."

"I know dad...thanks." he hugged him, "by the way, mom's  good...still goes to group and gardens at your old place. She's  found peace I think. "

"Good...I  don't  want my princess pining  for my dead ass." He sighed then laughed." Go get your girl son... come see me when you've  kissed her!" 

Ben glanced around, he knew what this was.

This place was where his father proposed to his mother...a resort was near by. His father liked remembering when Leia had agreed to be his wife.

He wondered if his heaven would change when she joined him...if they would pick something else, another place or memory to exist in...

Ben had declined the option... 

The idea had seemed dull...and really he'd  had no idea what to pick anyway...

He missed Earth...people...

Cassian  made working for the grand creator sound...fun.... satisfying.

Ben liked being Kylo Ren...usually.

In a blink, he had snuck back out.

If anyone  knew he visited his father... they hadn't busted him.

Ben grinned, so he was going to find out... yes he was.

Rey was...

He still wasn't  sure...but now he felt less guilt for wanting to know.

 

 

 


	9. Sorting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey felt bad when she quit. Phasma was disappointed, Rose whined about being bored without her there. But Rey felt excited to start helping Leia.

 "Most of what I need is nothing flashy...cleaning and sorting. I'm  putting alot into storage upstairs. I  would love it if you would cook some, each movies with me. We can go places and you can help me run errands.  Losing my son and husband  aged me I'm  afraid. My health isn't  great." Leia explained,  guiding Rey to the garage first. "Honestly I'm more lonely than anything. "

Rey laughed, "no, this is fine. I will do whatever you need."

"I appreciate it it dear, as for pay, is what we discussed  on the phone ok?" Leia asked.

Rey nodded,  "oh definately, very generous. My friend Rose isn't  happy I  left...she's going to be bored without me."

Leia left her there to start.

Rey threw away junk and trash, boxed items for goodwill  and storage.

Eventually  the garage was done, it took a while. 

She loaded the goodwill  boxes and droppped them off at the end of the week.

She couldn't  help but be anxious  though...Kylo hadn't  called or texted yet.

Maybe he'd  changed his mind about the wierd girl talking to ducks?

He was hot, could easily  land someone better looking than her...

She sighed pulling into Leia's driveway.

They made dinner together and Leia talked more about her son and husband 

Rey liked her stories. 

But she could hear how much the woman missed them both.

She didn't  see pictures anywhere, Leia told her they were all packed away. Hurt her heart too much to look at them. Her memories were enough.

She told her about her mom and dad.

It was freeing and easier than talking in group.

She simply felt comfortable around Leia. Like she'd known her longer.

 

She pulled down bowls and spoons, Leia plopped two different  flavors of ice cream on the counter.

"It might be silly, but I still buy the ice cream my son loved, Benjamin  used to mix a bite of chocolate and a bite of orange sherbet  together. Had done that since he was really little. Han used to pick at him, but it is actually  pretty good." Leia shared and she scooped hers out.

Rey smiled, "I'd love to try it."

As they sat in Leia's  living rooom ready to watch Gone with the Wind, Rey felt her phone vibrate.

Rey glanced down. 

Kylo.

 

 _"_ Do _you have plans tomorrow  night?"_

 

Rey  grinned, a slight blush hitting her cheeks. 

 

**_"Actually...no. I  started a new job, but my boss is great. What did you have in mind? Talking to horses...maybe pigeons?"_ **

 

_"Dinner...maybe going for a drink? Whichever you like. I'm  not picky. As for chatting up some animals, we could probably hit a zoo up for_ _date number two? Lol."_

 

Rey chuckled. He was funny. 

 

**_"Dinner then. 5? "_ **

 

Rey nibbled her bottom lip. An amused Leia observing the whole thing.

 

_"Sounds perfect, text me your address  and I'll pick you up at 5. Dress casual. That's all you get to know."_

 

**_"see you then. ;) "_ **

 

Rey text him her address, it never even crossed her mind that meeting in public might have been better. Safer.

Tomorrow. 

Tomorrow... dinner... with tall...dark ... and handsome.

Rey set  her phone back down and looked up to see her new boss smiling at her.

"Valentine's  date guy or new one? You seem more enthusiastic than before so I'm thinking new guy?" Leai prodded, pausing their movie.

Rey blushed, "um, well...yeah. Not Dopheld.  I  ran into this guy at the park actually, when I fed the ducks last week. He sat and talked with me, took my number. I hadn't  heard from him until now. He wanted to take me out, we are going to dinner. He's  cute."

"Well, that's wonderful. He's  already gotten  under your skin, I  can tell. Sounds like when I met my Han...instant heat. But he drove me crazy. You'll  have to tell me all about it later. Don't  be afraid to be wanted, enjoy his attention." Leia replied.

"He seems nice, his name is Kylo. I  don't  really know anything  else about him. It's  crazy, I'm not freaked out  more. I  just, he just seems familiar. I somehow know he's ok. Like when I'm around you. Just natural." Rey reflected.

Leia pressed  play, "then just go with it. You're  too young to waste your life worrying."

Rey's  mind continued to wander to Kylo the rest of the night.

Even when she got back home, she kept thinking about how his voice, his smile...it just all made her tremble in a good way.

Would he try to hold her hand or kiss her?

More?

She immediately text Rose, Kaydel, and Jessika to ask what she should wear when she had no idea where they were going to eat.

Rose offered to come help her sift through her closet at lunch tomorrow.

Rey laid down still grinning an hour later. Cuddled her old penguin stuffy.

Maybe he'd  make an appearance  in her dreams tonight.

 

 

 

 


	10. Reaping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben saw her flick her wrist, the human collapsed among their guests. She collected his soul and sent him to hell. He was tainted, corrupt. Soul blackened. Ben shivered, he didn't mind visiting hell, but remaining their as punishment? No thankyou. The redhead turned around, "hello Kylo, miss me?"

Alania was gorgeous, she knew it. She enjoyed her lot in death, her job. She liked having that power over them.

Ben pasted on a smile, "been a while, how's  the reaping? I  didn't  think there'd be a death here." He aimed his bow and let his arrow go. It hit the now widow, she met eyes with the deceased man's  brother.

"Ironic isn't  it, they'll  bond over his exit. They're  both better off with him gone, such a foul creature. No honor." Alania stated. "Shall we go? I  have to be somewhere in Hong Kong next...you can tag along...we can catch up."

"I  don't  think so, I  have somewhere  to be as well. Maybe another time." He replied. She'd  always made him slightly off kilter. Reapers tended to have that effect, even on other immortals. 

Their time together had been brief but overwhelming. Alania  was quite dominant, Ben hadn't minded after he first became immortal...he could just forget. 

She grinned, gave him a sly wink and vanished.

He glanced back at his mark.

The brother was holding her hand, she didn't  look sad at all.

 

* * *

 

 

"Rey, I  hope I'm not too early." Ben arrived at 4:42 instead of 5. He hoped that wasn't  wierd. He wasn't even sure why he cared.

He wasn't sure why he was there.

Rey smiled, "oh no problem  at all. Let me grab my purse, we can go."

Outside she glanced around, "wow, that's  your car?"

"Yeah, belonged to a collector. When he passed his widow donated it. I snatched it up. This old Falcon is worth a lot in memories." Ben had to pull quite the stunt to get it, and keep and hidden most the time. But it had been Han's...it was his legacy.

He opened her car door, they zipped off.  

Rey toyed with the radio until she heard Queen blaring. 

Ben chuckled as she sang along to Bohemian Rhapsody. 

"You mentioned a boss, what do you do?" Ben asked.

"Well, I  met a woman at group therapy that needed someone to help her around her house and keep her company. It's good money and she amazing, so it's  the perfect job. Plus, she let's me work around my classes." Rey laid out.

Ben nodded,  "group therapy? What kind if you don't  mind my asking?" He knew why.

"Well, it's  a bit soon ...but I  lost my mom last year...it's a survivor's group. All of us has lost someone.  We help eachother. My new boss lost her son and husband in a handful of years. What do you do Kylo?" Rey asked.

Ben thought about his answer, "I'm  in relations, I help coordinate mergers."

"Sounds interesting." Rey  replied, "I'm  undeclared in college, still trying to figure out what I want to be...do... I  just haven't  figured out what my place is in all this..."

"You have time to decide...ah, we're here." Ben pointed out.

Rey  saw a small restaurant. Tables outside, people laughing. Live music.

"This place is a hidden treasure, best burgers in the city. " Ben said proudly. "It's  been around forever, I  loved coming here as a kid with my dad."

They  took seats outside.

Rey felt more relaxed with him. It was different  than when she'd  been out with Dopheld. 

They shared cheesy fries and listened to the band.  

Ben suggested she order the mushroom  swiss burger. She tried it and loved it.

"Omg I'm stuffed...but it was so good. Thanks for bringing me here. The band is awesome. " Rey  told him, she wanted to dance... but was afraid to ask.

Ben smiled, he saw how intently she watched the couples  dancing.

"Do you want to dance Rey?" Ben asked. Rey beamed.

She stood and let him guide her onto the small dance floor.

Ben laughed when she kept stepping on his feet.  It made him think of his high school  prom...

Rey blushed every time.

It made Ben's  heart beat faster.

 

Back at her house, Ben walked her to the front door.

They stood awkwardly  for a few minutes. 

Rey sighed, "um, don't think I'm crazy, but I feel like I've met you before. And tonight was fun...I  usually  don't  trust people easily. But I  ...I  really want to kiss you."

Ben was going to respond, but before he could...her lips were against his.

Oh shit ! oh shit ! oh...wow...

Ben's  mind  went wild. Rey felt so good. Tasted so good.

Her eyes closed happily. Ben sensed his power flaring at her touch. 

Well that's new?

Rey was warm, Ben was... wonderful... his lips so soft and inviting. She could kiss him all night.  She could swear light erupted around them.  Fireworks? 

"Goodnight Ben." She muttered as she pulled away.

Ben chuckled. "Goodnight  Rey."

 

Back in his car he reflected.

How had her kissing him made his power flare? Could Cassian or the others sense it? Would it always happen? 

Michael couldn't  know... 

Ben just knew he wanted...needed to feel her lips again. Soon...

Was this need created by what he gave her?

Or something else?

 


	11. Recruiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben wasn’t always smart...he was brilliant but ...he couldn’t see it when people manipulated him. Sometimes his anger blinded him.

_“Benjamin, we aren’t trying to control your life...we just don’t agree with what he has you doing. He is a man ruled by greed and will do anything...you aren’t him.” Leia grabbed at her son’s arm as he shoved past to leave in a huff._

_She was in tears now...she felt like he wasn’t coming back...the sinking feeling overwhelming her._

_Han frowned, “son, you know we love you...don’t leave like this...you’re breaking her heart!”_

_But Ben was blocking out their words... her tears...they were always trying to hold him back..._

_He was always too weak..._

_He was never enough..._

_”leave me the fuck alone ! You’re good at that!” Ben screamed and stormed out the door._

 

 

_Cassian held a great task...he and others like him assisted humans in finding deeper connections...love. Connections gave life meaning...kept human souls from rotting inside._

_Sometimes just affection...infatuation... friendship..._

_Love had so many levels and forms... Cupid’s gave people the push to explore... but the seed had to be grown...cultivated. Fate leads them... they deliver._

_Cassian also had the privilege of selecting recruits when the opportunity arose._

_Tonight he sits, the couple before him have been together forever, it warms his soul...their arrow had stuck._

_He was about  to leave when a young man stomped up glowering._

_The couple argued with him._

_Outside the weather is beating against windows._

_He sees the young man shake his head, then exit out the back._

_Parents...pure love._

_Cassian groaned._

_Curious he flew after the young man, he wasn’t sure why..._

_Not even a street over the young man was shot. 3 times in the chest._

_As the life drained from his human shell, his spirit rose. Like many he glanced down at himself...wide eyed and pissed._

_Cassian felt strength and desire for purpose from him...he gathered the spirit and took him to the grand creator._

_He could be useful._

_He could continue on to his heaven or ask the creator to give him the power to influence lives and return to search..._

_Cassian would inquire._

_The reaper sent to fetch Benjamin Solo nodded at the Angel, before they vanished. His assignment ended with the understanding that Ben’s death was simply the start of his new life. Their job done. Heaven and hell would be gaining no one in that moment._

_He enjoyed training them...his recruits. Some served for longer than others... some did short stints and returned to Earth only to beg for heavenly peace._

_The closest Cassian got to having children himself._

_He was given the newly reborn Cupid Kylo Ren as his charge, he was quite proud of his work...a fast learner. Well...when Ben wasn’t questioning everything and breaking rules._

_He’d never had to watch a charge so closely._

_...and now..._

_The guardian feared his recruit was losing himself...after years, Kylo was feeling more human...drawn to a human girl..._

_Dangerous ground..._


	12. Ask the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer has no patience for those who wither because of love loss or petty jealousies... he saw it as wasteful.

“Why are you lurking Cupid? Your little feathered counterparts know better and yet ...here you are...” Lucifer smirked.

Ben tried to muster strength, but he felt the power before him...he’d felt it even in the outskirts of hell.

He sensed the dark prince reaching into his head...sifting through each file and corner...

”I ...I had a question...” Ben stammered, hardly able to form words. 

He knew what escaped his lips was barely audible.

Lucifer offered a haunting laugh, “well... now I’m curious. What does a cupid need to ask me?”

Ben swallowed, “you fell ...you chose to...pride or selfish desire I couldn’t predict...but you left God’s guidance. You wanted to be free...you kept your immortality yet you feel everything like the humans can. I was human... I feel drawn to be again...”

That had his attention. “You were given a shot at painless immortality...power... and you want to be a fragile human again? Really? You already feel emotions... toward a human girl...it’s there in your mind. You think it’s complicated to fall? Ha! Give her your life and if she accepts ...you can shed the gift God gave you... simple for a mere cupid. Put back on your mortal shell...fascinating.” Lucifer stepped closer.

He places his face closer. “She terrifies you...your human...you’ve never cared for anyone...aimless purpose...why did Cassian even recruit you? Pathetic weak creature... like most...my demons attend their duties with more zeal and loyalty. You have balls coming here, I’ll grant you that... I should make you one of mine...I could you know... make you forget your humanity and her...even your time as one of Cassian’s love dealers...”

Ben shakes. His heart and lungs feel like they were about to burn or burst.

What the fuck was he thinking?!

He fell to the blackened ground with a thud. 

Blackness washing him...suffocating...

 

 


	13. Collected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sat reading her book sighing, the goop on her face almost dry ...as well as the lime green polish decorating her toes. She glanced at her phone for probably the billionth time this week.

The last few months have been amazing, she never expected this ...

Trusting someone so much...

Needing to be near someone so much...

But Ben... he just... made it so easy.

Rey felt so calm and at ease around him. From day one he seemed real and hers. Familiar...

He took her to dinners, movies, and they talked about everything. Nothing was off limits...

That first kiss had truly blown her away... his hands were magical... oh his smile made her weak knees falter.

He held her hand as they wandered through shops or went on long walks.

She saw him several times a week.

But now... all this week...nothing.

Absolutely nothing...not a text ...a call ...a letter...

Rey worried she’d offended him somehow or he’d realized how boring she was ... plain...

He was going to meet Leia and her friends at her house for a cook out...but he never showed. No call ...nothing...

That was last weekend...now ...Rey felt the sadness creeping inside. The doubts...

Maz would’ve loved him.

Rey was sure of it.

And her mom would have loved how he made her giggle and blush...

 

But where was he?

Work came up? She didn’t know what or where his job was exactly...

A family emergency?

God forbid ...he met someone else?

Rey tried not to jump to conclusions.

She reread the same paragraph again...for the third time ...

”where are you Ben?” Rey asked the night.

She missed his smile...his voice...both soothed her. She didn’t feel so alone...

But right now theorizing...she felt very alone...

She knew nothing really to find out why he was not around...he always showed up to where she was...

Her place...

His phone was only going to voicemail... which was full...

Texts were left unanswered...

She hadn’t met his family or friends yet... before he went AWOL he was going to meet hers...

It felt so right...surely he hadn’t changed his mind?

Her dreams didn’t help matters...Rey kept envisioning him as her angel... saving her...

Maybe she just wanted him to be her hero...

Maybe he wasn’t who she thought...

”ahhhhh!” She yelled and threw her book at the wall.

Frustrated she went to her bathroom and washed her face, ...sleep...she needed sleep...

Rey couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong...as she fell into uneasy dreams she cried...cold uncertainty poisoning her thoughts...

 


	14. Let it wash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tossed the old magazines in a box for Leia. There were so many... stacks...and even more piles of various books.

“My son, ...he could never get enough. He read everything and anything he got his hands on. I didn’t mind...his father joked we were raising a horder.” Leia chuckled, patted Rey’s shoulder.

Rey was working on the attic. “What happened to him...your son? I know he was killed but not how...”

The older woman sighed, ”he was shot multiple times in the chest after arguing with us...broke our hearts. The men he associated with...were bad men. Vile... money was their God...my boy...he got sucked in trying to find a purpose for his life, manipulated ...used. When he tried to walk away he was ...dealt with...”

”I’m sorry...seems pointless. Just like my mom’s death...it is why his pictures are boxed up? Hurts you too much to look at him ... or his father?” Rey empathized.

”yes I suppose... I can pretend they are just late coming home... gone on a long trip... my mind coping with the staggering loss of my two deep loves... my smartass Romeo Han... my dear complicated Benjamin...” Leia dug around and pulled out an album hidden under a small box.

Rey pauses as Leia opened it.

The young man... Ben?

Her son?

He isn’t dead?

A very alive, warm Ben had been running around with Rey for months?

Rey held her body so still, staring at the photos. “How old?”

”would be around 32 now...a handsome boy huh, unconventional but beautiful. He broke hearts...just couldn’t let anyone get  too close.” Leia had tears in her eyes, “sorry honey, just... hard. He had so much life to live still...”

Has he been hiding from his own mother?

Is his past ...why he was awol now?

Did he realize who her boss was and freak out?

Rey frowned.

His proud mother showed her picture after picture... accompanied with story after story...

A picture him leaning against an old car with his father caught her attention...she recognized the car.

”what ...um... happened to that car, it’s awesome.” Rey questioned.

”someone bought it after I donated it. Han would appreciate it though...that it was being loved. Benjamin adored that car more than most people.” She set the album down, “let’s take a break for dinner honey...I’m emotionally exhausted...”

Rey nodded,deep in thought.

So very confused...

Why would he do this to her?

The woman missed her son? Obviously loved him?

Rey prayed for answers.

She doubted anyone was really listening... but...

’be ok Ben...’ Rey begged in her mind, as she followed his mother downstairs.

 


	15. Spread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He could smell them...the rotting ...the lost...

Ben felt the searing pain in each wing.

With every breath...he gasped...

They were spread wide against the harsh surface of rock, wounds burning. The metal piercing through flesh and bone.

Lucifer’s amused laughter at Ben’s screaming was still echoing in his ears. 

 

Now one in the stillness...the stench...he thought of how beautiful Rey looked eating her ice cream. 

Her pink delicate tongue flicking out again and again...

The only thing keeping him sane...

 

He was supposed to meet her boss and her friends at her place...she was probably hurt and furious thinking he bailed...

The cookout meant a lot to her, she said him meeting them them meant a lot to her.

 

Instead he was a fool, chasing answers. Being mocked by demons and forced to listen to their snickering.

Ben knew there were creatures here that could swallow him whole ...his soul. 

He felt like time moved torturously slow...

 

“Fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into Kylo Ren...are you trying to pick a fight with Hell itself now?” Cassian’s voice pulled Ben from his haze and sorrow.

Ben tried to glance up, but his neck ached, stiff.

Cassian fiddled with restraints, yanked the metal rods from Ben’s wings. Blood gushing.

Ben was bare...skin riddled with fresh streaks of red from days of abuse.

His mentor covered him with a plain cloak. 

“You questioned his fall from grace... that was not something I expected...” Cassian guided him through the darkness and fire, almost dragging Ben’s weak form,  “I have watched you skirt around every rule and find ways into heaven and now hell...you really do love your human Ren... don’t you?” 

Ben winced, “yes...” 

It was barely a mumble...but his eyes locked. “I want to be with her...”

”nevertheless...it’s not so simple.” Cassian pressed into Ben’s head, trapping him in a deep sleep.

Ben would be easier to move this way, hide.

Manage...

Ben thought no one knew...

Cassian knew about every run in...every date.

How he had hidden stashes of things he used...where he kept the falcon.

He also knew Ben snuck in visiting Han in heaven... ran into his mother on Earth...

His recruit had interfered with a reaper’s mission and missed his own target...

This human was something else...

 

 


	16. Let go of childish things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben blinked heavy lids. His mouth felt like he’d drank sand. His chest and head ached. He was laying on a bed he didn’t recognize. Cassian found him?

“You feel as bad as you look Kylo? Because you literally look like hell.” Cassian smirked.

Ben huffed, it was difficult to sit up. “ I guess you find that funny...it’s not.”

”no ...it’s not...you should never have gone there. Lucifer isn’t some friend you can request advice from... he could’ve claimed your soul as his, recreated you into one of his mindless demons. He would have been within his right to do so.” Cassian stated.

Ben sighed, running his hand through dirty hair, “Is she ok? Rey?”

Cassian grinned, “your only worry is for her? ...still only for your human? ...not yourself?”

Ben examined his life in those moments... it was true.

He could fade away as long as she was ok.

He would breathe his last breath if he could give that breath to Rey...

 

”ah... you would. How noble. Humanity didn’t completely leave you Benjamin Solo when your soul left your flesh. Ironic you are less selfish as you are now than when you were human.” Cassian handed Ben a bottle of water. “ We are in an empty home, feel free to shower and change. You are not the only one who has secrets.”

Ben thought of Lucifer’s words as the muck left his skin.

Give his life to her?

Shed his gift?

He has given Rey a piece of himself already, to heal her. That night... 

Was that why he couldn’t stay away? 

Couldn’t allow her to love another?

Was Rey meant to be his? 

He tugged on the clothes, not very flattering but worked. 

He needed to get to Rey...

Cassian was gone. He took that as a sign... his blessing.

Ben couldn’t stretch his wings, his injuries weren’t completely healed. But every part of him knew he would feel complete if he was near her... if he could touch her.

His Rey...

His Heart...

 

 

Rey curled under her blankets, she wiped away her tears.

She couldn’t help their presence, she missed him so much. 

“Rey...I’m so sorry...” Ben whispered in her ear.

His wings surrounded her. He winced.

 

She gasped staring up into those familiar eyes. “You ...it was real?”

Her eyes wide and fearful, her heart beating so fast.

Something pulsed between them. Ben sensed himself within her...

”You are not wrong...” he muttered against her neck.

Rey let her fingers graze over his cheek. His feathers. “Why does your mother think you’re dead?”

He leaned down, his lips found her forehead. “Because her son died... became something else...”

He would need to explain...

But in this moment he just needed to hold her...heal them both...

He pulled her against his chest, his arms and wings enveloping her in love and warmth. 

His own eyes stung with the tears escaping them, relief and pure happiness taking him over...

 

 


	17. In the light of day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey woke up confused. Ben was here? He came to her? His mother...was Leia? He was not dead? She dreamed of him having wings...again? She felt him warm against her back. Wherever he’d been...she was just happy he was here.

She left her bed reluctantly, rubbing sleepy eyes.

They could talk soon...but for now...

A hot shower was calling her name...

Rey wrapped up in an oversized towel, brushed her teeth, dried her hair a bit. 

She smiled at her reflection...Ben was still sleeping in the next room.

”Ben...? You ready to face the day?” She crept up on the bed to kiss him awake, ” I have a few ...questions”

She froze.

The blankets had shifted to reveal her Ben...beautiful Ben... 

But what made her body stiffen...her heart pound ...was not the muscles or lush lips...

Framing his broad back were wings...

”oh holy fuck...” Rey muttered. 

The illusions that usually hid his true form were left aside.

Ben grabbed her wrist before she could jerk backward. “Rey... don’t freak out...”

”you ...you’re... it was...?” Rey was stunned.

”I’m just me...but more ...don’t be scared. Please Rey...” Ben pleased pulling her closer, “it wasn’t a dream...”

Rey looked at him. “Are you an angel?”

”no... I am a cupid. When I ...died an angel came to me.” Ben replied.

”you...you were there? When my mom...?” Rey was trembling in his arms. 

He could see her connecting the dots, “yes...”

”you ...killed that man? Saved me?” She could barely say the words.

Ben caressed her cheek, “I had to...and then I couldn’t leave you in pain... I helped you. But ...then I couldn’t stay away either...please forgive me.”

Rey leaned into his touch, “you aren’t human anymore? Your mother ...she doesn’t know... she misses you so much Ben...”

Ben kissed her, he was done explaining. He escaped hell with Cassian...he needed her to feel... to see...

She didn’t fight him...

He delved deeper, pouring all he could to show her how much he needed her.

His wings expanded, grazing her flesh as he tugged the towel away. His mouth explored her jaw and neck, leaving her panting and tense.

”please Rey...I love you...don’t shut me out...” Ben whispered against her breast.

Rey let herself sink in...so Benjamin Solo was a cupid?

One of God’s matchmakers... why does he want her? She was no one...

But as his fingers slipped between her legs, as they curled inside making her whine into his shoulder...

Rey couldn’t make herself care...he was hers...

”oh god...Ben...” she moaned.

He guided her onto her back, running both hands down her sides. 

She had always been so afraid of letting someone touch her...but him..he was ...

He was more... 

He wasn’t sure if he would be allowed to exist ...so he would taste her ...he was done waiting...

Rey let him spread her wide, he kissed down her stomach...stroking her thighs... “you are part of me...”

When his lips found her dampening core she shuddered...her hands sought his locks...his tongue circled her clit and he sucked hard she cried out.

It was like he was inside her ... hearing her thoughts... so deep...

He used his fingers and tongue until she was limp and weeping from cumming over and over.

Chest heaving.

Ben kissed her temple when he finally nudged her entrance...he could feel he would be her first...he was honored.

She loved him ...

He captured her mouth as he inched inside, her spirit wrapping around his... the pulsing ...flaring as he bottomed out. 

He’d never felt this when he was human...

Orgasms yes...

release yes...

She winced, but it was a good pain ...a giving of herself ...she couldn’t imagine anyone else being there.

He wanted her to feel more...

Hips snapping slowly at first, quickening as she arched up. 

He drove in harder, deeper, could she sense how he wanted to be one with her?How desperately he wished he could stay...? 

He needed her to break at his touch...on his lips...around his cock...

He wanted to feel like a man for the first time since he died...

Rey screamed his name one last time as he pistoned  into her, his wings surrounding them, his own orgasm exploded making him see a heaven he could never picture for himself...

Not before her...

Not before that night in the alley...

 

A life waking up in her arms...

Loving her...

Listening to her heartbeat... her laughter...

Kissing her tears away...her fears...

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael stood with Cassian, looking over Kylo Ren and his human in their sated slumber. He scowled. “Up cupid!” Ben jumped at the bellowing sound, terrified.

“Please...don’t hurt her...she didn’t know.” Ben was on his knees. 

Michael glared down at him.

Cassian stayed back, not daring to interfere.

”I’m not going to touch your precious human...she is no one. You however test me...consistently. Brazen and vulgar in your disrespectful manner.” Michael grabbed Ben one of his injured wings. Then his throat, making Ben choke.

Cassian looked away.

”You forced your mentor to cover for your actions...did you really think heaven missed any of what you’ve done? You arrogant little pissant!” Michael dragged him away from Rey toward the open window.

Rey never budged. Ben’s eyes flicked toward her as his wing throbbed.

”Cassian will answer for this as well... Lucifer has already requested you be returned to him for trespassing into his realm. He spoke to the grand creator himself. You have called wrath down upon yourself from heaven and hell boy!” Michael growled, “you will face God...most do not get the opportunity to defend themselves before I carry out my verdict...be respectful at his feet.”

Ben felt a deep tearing inside as they departed.

He wanted to go back to her...forget his life...his death...he would gladly sacrifice immortality to kiss her again...

She will wake thinking he abandoned her...

That thought brought his sorrow...his tears...

He couldn’t fight against the archangel gripping him...towing him for judgement.

 

His mind wandered as they flew...

God created humanity because he wanted someone to love ...to love him...

To fill the void the angels and his other creations hadn’t filled...he found his creation beautiful in it’s disarray...it’s imperfections...

He loved and forgave Lucifer after a difficult war...left him to do as he mostly pleased in Hell...

He protected his children on Earth by giving them choice...seeds for happiness...

Cupids were part of that gift...they gave each the opportunity to feel whole and find purpose in the betterment of another being...

Ben had never felt that when he was alive... but he had also squandered his life... 

neglected...

rejected...

hated...

bitter cynical cruelty was his choice...

He had been one of the rotting husks that meandered ...empty and resenting any smiling face he saw...

He pushed his own parents away in jealousy of their connection...

if only...

If only he’d been marked to be with Rey...

Because now he felt understanding... sympathy...empathy... regret... 

He cared not what was about to happen to him... his soul could be chewed to ashes in the mouth of the grand creator...

He wanted the pain Rey would feel at finding him gone...erased. Her joy restored...her hope validated...

He wanted only her happiness...she could have every bit of him to attain it.

His tears ran down his cheeks.

His heart pumped and body tensed. He would take it...for her...for his parents...for the kindness Cassian had shown him...

So much taken for granted until he’d seen Rey attacked...felt her fear...saw the possibility of her light fading...

He would bow his head to his fate...

As they neared the gates Michael dropped him in a heap. “guards! Take Cassian to his cell...take Kylo Ren to his... I will be meeting with the grand creator before judgement.”

He disappeared. 

Ben sighed.

He had finally truly felt love ...

real love...

She was never his to have...


	19. Plead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wasn’t sure if he felt like Kylo Ren or Ben Solo anymore... he was raw muscle ...fractured nerves... mind left bleeding out his utter existence... his tears ...his sweat... his cell blank. He wondered how long it’s been? Has Rey woken up and mourned his absence or cursed his presence was ever in her life? Was Cassian ok? His mother... would never know how sorry he was...

“Sir, he’s reckless...an embarrassment. He questions every single rule put before him... never comprehending consequences!” Michael shouted, still kneeling.

”yes...he is and does...but isn’t that humanity? How I created them? ...to question? ...to follow their gut or desires? ...their curiosity? It’s why they endure pain... loss... yet keeping trying. Imperfect in the best ways at times.” God smiled down at his favored archangel. “You have never had much patience for them.”

”He became a cupid, you gave him immortality and power only for him to take those gifts for granted! He interfered with reapers...Death was livid, he sneaks to see his father within his heaven ...also his human mother on Earth, Lucifer already told you about his little excursion into Hell.... and he fornicated with the human girl ! Sir, he revealed his wings to her! “ Michael stated fuming.

Cassian was brought in the room.

The angel went to his knees.

”Michael, you’ve punished my creation enough, have Kylo Ren fetched ...now.” God ordered.

Michael shot a glare to Cassian.

Then exited swiftly.

”Father forgive me...my compassion for Ben Solo...Kylo, I have no excuse...but don’t you teach such?” Cassian asked humbly.

God grinned, “ I do... in his anger Michael forgets that...have you revealed to my cupid that the girl he saved...that he loves ...was once marked to be his possible future? ...if he had not died?” 

Cassian shook his head.

”ah...he doesn’t know. He’s risked his soul for only a glimmer of something he has yet to understand.” God felt Kylo being brought closer.

”He has learned Father...through his trespasses...what truly matters...” Cassian wanted forgiveness for his charge.

”I need to hear from his lips...peer into his heart” God motioned for Cassian to kneel at his side as Michael dragged Kylo forward.

Ben shook in the grand creator’s presence...never feeling so small...

Rey... he would face him for Rey...

 

 


	20. Humble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben was an insignificant nothing ...less than... he couldn’t raise his weary eyes to the creator of all. He didn’t deserve to... His shame and regret...his sadness... so thick...

“You feel so much ...it rolls off you in potent waves.” God spoke with a gentleness Ben hadn’t expected.

Ben sighed, “I... beg you to punish me not Rey... not Cassian... not my mother or father...”

”Michael demands retribution, Death... Lucifer... you’ve attracted attention from many. Violations of the codes of ethical conduct within the realms of heaven, Hell, and Earth... you’ve been punished.  I should take your wings, hand your soul over to be stripped of it’s power...as for your human...she cannot know of these things...of you. Michael will retrieve her, erase the threat.” God elaborated.

Ben felt his heart lurch...no...

Rey did nothing wrong...

He broke the rules...saved her... showed her himself...

He just...he couldn’t explain why...

He just had to interfere...get closer...

She was ...precious...

”please God, ...please just do what you have to ...to me! Take me from her mind...erase my existence. Don’t hurt her. I don’t care what happens to me... she’s been through enough...take my wings, all my powers, ...burn my soul to ash...I don’t matter...” Ben begged.

 Cassian  wanted to go to Ben...reassure him. He couldn’t move from his position.

Michael grinned. He relished. He predicted God’s wrath...

”Michael, among your many strengths ...patience and forgiveness are your weakest... humanity doesn’t leave the soul. If the shell hasn’t rotted from the inside already before death or rebirth into a new form of my choosing. Young Kylo Ren still has a lot of Ben Solo within him. Humanity fails ... sometimes selfishly ... but it also has a vast capacity for learning from those failures.” God rose and went to his creation. “Cassian hasn’t explained...you altered the order of Rey’s life path when you saved her. Interfering in Death’s dealings... fate. You violated your role, but...you couldn’t have known. You were pulled to save her because she was meant for you...if you had made different choices during your human life, you would have met her... Cassian would have aimed his arrow and hit his mark... your death prevented that outcome.”

Ben stuttered, “ ...She? ...was meant for me? If that is true, then please let me take responsibility. Let her find happiness and forget me. She should have it... even if it’s not with me. Give her peace...she didn’t ask for any of this...I revealed my wings ... I just wanted to be honest with her...give her myself... My love...something I didn’t think I was capable of...”

”you love her truly then Ben...Kylo Ren doesn’t really fit you now. You have learned love is when someone’s needs matter more than your own... you would cease to exist if it meant her peace?” God reached forward, placing a palm to Ben’s head.

Ben finally steered his eyes up, wet with his tears, “yes...take it all ...for her.”

God smiled down, sensing sincerity... “tragedy happens on the human plain because of the choices that they make... loss... pain... death... cruelty is a reality...evil... as is the choice to forgive... be generous...love... regret... hope...you have finally seen it... that truth.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ben realized Rey was with his mother...

His interview with the creator of all left him feeling humbled...new. 

But all he wanted was her...

God had shown him love rather than wrath...

and now...?

He needed to see her face...


	21. Mother may I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia stopped mid task... shocked by who stood at the door... “Benjamin?” Her voice shaken.

Rey heard Leia open the front door, she wasn’t far behind her...they were headed out to go grocery shopping. 

“Leia what’s wrong? Why did you stop-... ?” Rey cut off her own thought process when she recognized the very noticeable wings and frame of Ben in the doorway.

He blushed, shifting his feet nervously.

”Mom...Rey...” his words barely above a whisper.

Leia flung at him, crying tears of confusion and joy, “Benjamin ! You... wings ?!  ...and Rey?”

He was attacked by her arms around his neck and her lips kissing all over his face.

Rey remained still. “Ben? ... I woke up to you ...just gone? I thought maybe...it was a dream...”

He hugged his mother tightly, glancing up at Rey through watery lashes. “ not a dream... I had an audience with the grand creator... for my disobedience...for you... for mom ... for dad...others things...”

”God huh? ...does this mean you are remaining a cupid?” Rey inquired cocking a brow.

He smiled, “no actually...”

He stepped back...

Leia was reluctant to let him go...

Light enveloped his entire form.

Almost blinding his mother and Rey.

Their hearts pounding as his wings spread wide...

Ben closed his eyes...

The wings caught fire and slowly disappeared from him.

It was as if they never were...

He grinned and opened his gaze to them, “ He is letting me be human again... it will be to everyone except us three... like I never died...but this round I have my own guardian angel watching over me ... you Rey. I love you...”

Rey finally allowed herself to move... inching forward to touch his lips with her own.

”I suppose there’s a long story to this...” Leia joked. Just so happy to see him.

”there is mom, let’s go in... as long as I can hold her while I tell it... I won’t leave out a single detail. Oh... and dad sends you his love mom, from heaven. He missed you so...,” Ben smirked.

 

 


	22. Mortal joys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben held her hand as they walked. Leia has taken his story in stride, he was worried her heart couldn’t take it all in. But she had listened, asked questions. Rey asked her own. But in this moment, he couldn’t recall why he’d cared so much in the past about power...money...status...

“Do you miss any of it?” Rey prodded as they stopped to lay out their blanket and picnic.

Ben smiled at her, “maybe flying... but having you is still better. You make me feel whole. I’m lucky to have time with you and mom.”

Rey beamed.

They sat and ate, watching the trees sway. People watching was fun. They’d share their theories, Ben explained how to read their facial and body language.

She loved hearing his tales of being cupid, all about the angels and other creatures.

Rey blushed at his compliments, “one of these days you will see how treasured you are. So beautiful to me. I mean I did venture through heaven and hell to find a way to be here.” He teased.

”such a brat! I remember... I hope you never regret being human again.” She stated. 

He sighed, “ immortality has it’s perks but an long empty existence... doesn’t compare to a short happy fulfilling one”

Ben still saw Cassian, he wondered if the old angel just couldn’t help watching over them...him. 

He’d been like a father.

God had given him something he could never repay... a real life.

Rey gave him her. Nothing was more precious than her heart...her acceptance and love. 

He would spend forever earning this privilege. 


End file.
